SUCKS.

I know I was super busy and not really commenting/posting anything since I got Luna home.

I don't know if I even want to post any more pictures of her, it hurts going through them, and I have entirely too few truly good ones that represent her awesomeness.

Luna set hoof on the green road taking her to cross the rainbow bridge Sunday, July 12th. After an amazing journey from MD to VA, recovering from her disagreement with the round pen, having the most amazing trail ride ever and showing what a good girl she could be when totally lame from blowing to abcsesses in the same hoof and requiring daily soaking, packing and wrapping, winning everyone she met at her new barn over in the first moments they met her. Including a cranky mare who apparently had never enjoyed having a herd mate, but accepted her into the field and grazed along side her like they had been best friends since girl scouts.

She gave my younger son the best ride of his life and took such great care with him and his brother when they would lead her around hand grazing her or just go out into the field armed with cookies. She showed me it was okay to love and trust again, gave me her whole heart in everything I asked her to do, without a second's hesitation except at one ditch where she trusted me enough to guide her through it she walked calmly after a moment of trembling. She was always right there at the gate or her stall door to greet me. She was always ready for whatever I threw at her, and was the most amazing ride I've ever sat.

Sunday, she looked like she was ready to abscess again, ona back leg this time...so I came out in th emorning, did my chores and soaked her foot, what could it hurt? She stood so perfectly in the cross ties, honestly looked happy while she got soaked and my sons hand fed her hay until I told them to stop. The farrier was going to make a special trip out for her, but could not be there until 3, it was early, only noonish, so the boys and I left to go get some lunch.

15 minutes after I left te barn owner calls. She's colicing, bad.

I don't know how many traffic laws I broke getting the boys to a friend's house and getting myself back to my horse. I had just moved her up here, hadn't had time to pick a vet yet...as it was with three of us playing phone tag it took an hour to get one out...with a few of us taking turns walking her. Bless her heart she tried so hard. Even with banamine and a tranq given later she was in so much pain and dripping sweat. She went down three times, each time struggling back to her feet because her mommy asked her to even when you could see all she wanted to do was lay there and give up.

The vet finally arrives, but its too late. It would have been too late if she had been there the first time Luna went down, it wasn't gas or impaction, it was a true twisted gut. Her heart rate was over 100, her temperature was elevated, and she was exhausted. And that crazy wonderful perfect mare, she was still trying to get up until I told her it was okay, that she didn't have to try anymore. She went easy when the vet gave her the injection, she was ready. I thought I was, but I'm still in shock almost a week later. I sat with her for almost an hour, and did not stop crying for two days.

She was more than just a horse, she was my very best friend and with her gone, all the confidence and enjoyment in life I rediscovered with her has just vanished. For the first time since my stroke, since before then really, I had felt confident, sure I could face te world and take what it threw at me and I'd be fine, but only after she came into my life, and now that she's gone I've lost all faith in myself. I feel like I let her down some how, she gave me so much happiness and died such a horrible painful way, its not fair.

The only thing I"m sure of now is what I want my first tat to be. A Luna tribute. Some kind of design with her portrait worked into a full moon, or curved the opposite way against a crescent moon making it into a full moon...something like that. She was truly beautiful inside and out, a once in a life time horse.

For those of you who have read Ridin Lessons and Flying Changes....she was my Harry.